Just last night I was thinking to myself "what am I going to blog about next?" Well...here we go! Follow it through to the end, I promise you won't be disappointed!
I went to my first meeting for the charity today. Agnes was kind enough to pick me up since I had no clue where we were going. We drove out to PJ, only not the part of PJ I am familiar with in the least. We actually met at the center itself which is located in a local neighborhood in a private bungalow. The children and their therapists were all there which is just enough to break your heart! It is also a good way to get people to buy in and volunteer more!
I was a little nervous as I was told before I ever went there were "no white girls". Serious. No white girls. Okay, I'm good with that. So, I met a bunch of the committee members who were all very, very nice. I tried to sit back and just observe but as usual my mouth overran my &*^ and I wasn't quiet for long. I asked what I thought were pertinent questions and at some point someone asked me "what is your background?" I said accounting because I figured that let me out of any creative thinking. Well, bing, bang ,boom.
I am now the "financial supervisor" over the event. What you might ask is that? Well, it is just a joke title for one but they said we REALLY need someone smart who will make decisions on the spot and make sure the flow of selling coupons (to be used as money for all the vendors) and the use of credit cards is managed properly. Then the room was silent and I looked up and everyone was staring at me! What? You just met me and you are giving me the proverbial keys to the kingdom. ....and they begged me to work 1/2 day on Sunday also. I told them I absolutely could NOT work the entire day either day but I relented on the addition of 1/2 Sunday because I'm just a sucker like that. I even said "do I have SUCKER written on my forehead or what?" To which they all laughed and their chairman remarked "I've got a big G on mine for Gullible." Good one! I resemble that remark.
Additionally, I have agreed to meet with their accountant next Wednesday to discuss the best way to do the accounting for the credit cards as they have never accepted credit cards before. ...because yes, stupidly, I mentioned I had worked with credit cards and credit card accounts at a previous job...in addition to resolving problems like inventory and inventory tracking. Later at lunch the girls told me they were so relieved someone was going to help Tom, their accounting person, as he had really been fretting over the credit card/inventory issue. Okay, well, I think the good news is I am actually very experienced at these things so I hope I really can help.
And, now, we get to lunch! It just couldn't be more classic Danice Spajunkie if I had orchestrated it! So, six of us trail off in the local area and go to a local restaurant. If you know me at all you will be aware that I am a little quirky, and maybe more than a little OCD. Yep, really, I am. So, for me to actually go in this restaurant and sit down and eat things that I am completely unfamiliar with ordered in a language I don't speak with people I just met....leaves me a little nervous. Then I ask for a Coke, because it is on the menu, and they don't have any. So they talk me into ice water which, OMG, did not come in a plastic bottle of its own. I don't even drink the tap water in our house! Nonetheless, the food comes and it was quite okay! I don't really know what it was but I recognized chicken and okra so that was cool. There was also a very recognizable fish because well, it was whole, fried, fried whole, but it was served with a beautiful mango and chile salad that I tried to eat most of as I really do love it. I just don't get the whole fish, skin and bones, not to mention eyes, and everything all breaded and dropped into a deep fryer. This is not a criticism guys, just my personal "no eyes on the table" OCD thing. At any rate, I made it past this. I ate, and I know they believe I loved the food because I kept saying that and I certainly ate enough to be convincing. While we ate we chatted and they complimented my "beautiful" blue eyes, my "creamy" white skin, ummm, what else? Oh, yes, how ALL American women have super long eyelashes but yet mine are NOT. It was heavenly! I so love a conversation all about me! And, then they talked among themselves in Mandarin likely saying who is this stuck up lonely white girl with NO eyelashes anyway?
Then, they all start arguing about who is paying for what, but since they were arguing in Mandarin, I really didn't catch the whole thing. Next thing I know it has been paid for and it was $40 for six people! Wow! I know this because they made sure to tell me it was 120 Ringott because our hostess got a 10% discount because she comes here all the time. Anyway, so our hostess leaves and we are all about to gather our things and I keep feeling something on my foot. I'm thinking to myself, "oh, it is the ankle bracelet you switched to this morning, has those hangy downy things..." Oops yeah, the left leg where the bracelet is, but the right leg not so much. So I look down (my mistake) and
SSSSSSSSCCCCCCRRRRRREEEEEAAAAAMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Okay, I made that really, really dramatic I know and honestly I think you will say "oh, come on!" But, really....
BIGGEST, LARGEST FREAKING COCKROACH I HAVE EVER SEEN IN MY ENTIRE LIFE INCLUSIVE OF THOSE DANG FLYING SUCKERS IN TEXAS.
ON MY FOOT, CRAWLING UP MY LEG, CLOSE TO BEING IN THE PANT LEG OF MY CAPRI PANTS.
OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG.
I leapt from my chair so fast. But I had no where to go because for reasons I am still not clear on everyone more or less seated me close to the wall of this round table so I was right in the middle of everyone and I really needed other people to move to get out and OMG.
So, then I just jumped up and down, up and down, up and down, more or less screaming but yet more like shrieking, more like EEEEEEEWWWWWWW GET IT OFF OF ME, GET IT OFF OF ME, GET. IT. OFF. OF. ME.
Or whatever I said. And, then several shrieking minutes later, once I realized it really was off of me...it likely far more freaked out than even I was, I sat back down.
And, then I looked around the room to see all non-white people with their jaws hanging open having just witnessed "the only white girl" whig the hell out!
And, then they brought me the leftovers they had packed up to send home with me.
Which you would think that would be the punch line to this story and it is pretty funny because really? I was having trouble keeping my food DOWN at this point, it is highly unlikely in any world I live in that I'm eating the leftovers!
So, here is the punch line. As we walk out the door this beautiful Muslim woman I sat next to throughout the lunch turned to me and said "So, I guess you aren't coming back here to eat again!"
I turned to her and said "You got that right...not even inshallah!" To which she totally laughed out loud!
I'm thinking the 10% discount wasn't nearly enough personally.
Love, the only white girl.
OMG and here I was thinking that my combat days would be over. That sure they must have roaches, because they're everywhere,but I was getting happy to be away from these gigantic flying roaches. I see those too are everywhere. I HATE them! I almost got decapitated when I was outside by my parents. I had to hit the ground as fast as my non-fast ass could go.
Man, you really are involved now lol
Posted by: shell | 06/13/2012 at 12:35 PM